Last night, Luciana and I attended an event called “Ecstatic Dance” (ED, for lack of a better abbreviation). ED is a freeform dance practice where participants move to music with instructions not to talk, not to use a cellphone, not to drink or do drugs, and that there is no way to dance “badly.” My experience with ED is only in Buenos Aires, but ED can take place anywhere at any time (still referring to the dance, not the other ED). My friend Jacob suggested this event to me as he has a lot of experience with ED, and I had complained to him that I could not find a good outlet for dance while living here. I am more sober than I had been in the last 10 years and my friends and girlfriend are all pretty much sober or drink once every couple months or so. This keeps my circle from spending much time at night clubs or other environments where dance is expected. Since a lot of “fun” and socializing had been attached to drinking from college onward, I didn’t think that I was having fun or able to have fun in my new sober living situation.
Sports
This idea has been slowly evaporating as I have been living in Buenos Aires and making attempts at having fun in other ways. I think that some of the things that I most enjoy are what I most enjoyed as a child. My childhood was filled with playing with my friends in the neighborhood. In my adolescence, general play shifted to countless hours of playing basketball on a lowered rim (“mini-rim” or “mini”) with a group of guys that I still consider some of my greatest friends in the world. I think if you asked any one of us if we could go back and do something from high school again, it would probably be to sit in Ian’s driveway and play basketball all day with various friends showing up and constant banter. When I went to university, I considered joining the club rugby team, but, when I learned that I would miss out on fraternity partying due to away game travel, I decided not to play. Opting for what had seemed to me from social media and tales from other college students would be the most fun that I could ever hope to have.
Although I haven’t returned to “mini,” I have found various groups playing various sports while living here. I started with tag rugby, picked up football (soccer), entered tennis tournaments, and, as of about a week ago, am really into playing pádel (tennis combined with racquetball, more fun than pickleball). Playing sports has become one of my “sacraments” of a life well lived and will remain a constant in some form from here on out.
Dance
Another rediscovery for me is dance. I loved dances as a kid and teenager. My brother, William, and I would lose our minds as kids on the dancefloor of family weddings, usually turning bright red and getting covered in sweat. As I got a little older and learned some ballroom dancing in middle school through “cotillion”*, I thought that my best chance of picking up girls was at a gala. Later in high school, the dancing that we did turned a little less expressive. “Grinding” is a pretty insane way to dance with someone but was still something we looked forward to and had a good time doing sober or close to sober. In my first years at university, parties got bigger and louder and saw the dancefloor become more of a place to jump up and down than to express oneself. Dancing fell away.
Later on in university and since, I have had a guru in terms of dance. My friend, Can, has always had a passion for dance and music. I had several experiences with him that were a celebration of great music and sound that helped me shed a layer of self-doubt in terms of comfort on a dancefloor. In visiting Can last Summer and having long lasting intense dance sessions, I had been seeking similar experiences ever since. This takes me back to complaining to Jacob about not being able to dance here as the boliches (night clubs) open way too late and going to a boliche did not ensure that I would have the space to dance nor that I would like the music.
After the suggestion, I looked for Ecstatic Dance events in Buenos Aires and went. Whether or not this is the “perfect” space for me to dance is definitely up for debate, but being in a place where you are supposed to dance for 2 hours that ends at 10 PM is good enough for me.
Ecstatic Dance (May 26, 2024)
Last night was my third time and Luciana’s second. It was fun. We both came a bit tired from the weekend but had one final couple hours to get energy out before returning to the responsibilities of the week. By the end of ED, we were exhausted. The last song turns into a bit of a meditation that invites you to enter into “Shavasana” (laying completely flat on your back). Luciana definitely fell asleep at this point and I think I may have as well. After shavasana, we were instructed to get into a circle.
In the circle there were probably about 50 people. The DJ thanked several people, we clapped for each one. She then asked people to share their experiences and some did. This was all fine, but it just kept going on. We were sitting there, ready to be in bed, but could not go anywhere. Leaving would have appeared insulting to our very loving hippie hosts. We were “hippie hostages” with no clue of when we would be able to leave. I wondered just how long we could have been kept hostage until someone would have attempted leaving. I was both trapped and wildly entertained by the idea that they could keep saying nothing for as long as they wanted. We didn’t want to disturb the peace.
Finally DJ Sofi Lofi freed her hostages. Well she had us take a group picture first that “Sleepy” Luciana and I dragged ourselves into the back of. At the moment that the picture was taken, the girl in front of us lifted her hand to pose, blocking our faces. A final joke played on us before we could get out and go to bed.
Unfortunately both of us realized we were pretty hungry after all the dancing, but we fortunately found a kiosco selling panchos (think gas station hotdogs). A couple of hotdogs later and a successful date and end to the weekend was had.
I think it is not always obvious what a life well lived looks like. As a 28 year-old, I believe I have a long way to go before I figure that out. For now, I am pleased to have obvious “goods” like sport and dance that can be a part of my life forever.